“It seems that we avoid writing about or discussing love, regardless whether it is in connection with science or a casual chat around the kitchen table,“ says Halldóra Gunnarsdóttir, MA in Gender Studies, with a smile on her face during the presentation of her MA thesis “Gendered love – do women and men love in a different manner?” She stands in podium and discusses love, which she finds utterly fascinating. Gunnarsdóttir talks about having been in love frequently; but most of all with her husband, she adds with a big smile. In front of her sits a large audience of interested individuals who have no doubt also been in love. The research topic concerns everyone, both young and old.
Gunnarsdóttir‘s research begins with a sharp distinction between her subject; romantic and sexual love, and love between friends or love between parents and children. Gunnarsdóttir conducted interviews with eight individuals and asked them about their views on love; whether love is subjective; whether love changes with the times, and whether they experience a gendered difference on love.
Gunnarsdóttir says it is a myth that love cannot be the subject of research and reflects on whether a potential reason for the popularity of this myth could be the ubiquitous gender discrimination in our society; making people shy away from the project. We tend to think of love and equality as unity, however, our social circumstances create a rift between what we wish to see in love and how we act in our daily routine.
Gunnarsdóttir poses the question why love is a kind of underdog in academia and science; while anger is a common in both anthropological discussions and research; as are feelings of disgust taken over love in physiology.
With the audience on her side Gunnarsdóttir sums up and introduces her findings that indicate that discourse on love differs between the sexes. It comes more easily to women to talk of love and the feelings associated with it than men. Discourse on love is connected to what is considered feminine, which has the effect that women, more than men, bear the responsibility for love. She believes that all love affairs were doomed if we did not have a mutual understanding of love but feels that we should talk about love without reservation. We need to face that love is tainted by different and gendered expectation that need to be fought against in order for love to flourish fully.
The final words are a quote from one of her interviewees who said that maybe, in the final analysis, love is what remains when the fireworks are over, “when you haven’t shaved and your wife is having a bad hair-day and has a stomach ache and so on.” Gunnarsdóttir receives a standing ovation.
